JTHM Creationism
by Ashes Of Roses
Summary: My own twisted verion of creationism (duh) with blatant use and abuse of random JV characters.


Disclaimer o'Doom: I don't own, it is however owned by the god JV.  
Don't hurt me. ^_^  
Written for English class.  
My version of Creationism:  


In the beginning there was Spooky...and a taco stand.  


This cosmic entity and said cosmic taco stand were all that existed in the vast vacuum type   
thing called the universe, which was really quite grand.  


Spooky, being a poor lonely soul decided he wanted to create a buddy.  


As such the great Spooky haphazardly threw random taco ingredients together   
creating the revered Senior Satan, whose shoes were quite muddy.  


Senior Satan & Spooky were quite amused amongst themselves.  


Spooky would run around laughing maniacally lighting random things on fire,   
thus creating the sun and stars and...uh elves.  


While Senior Satan would put things in the freezer to see what would happen to   
them if they froze, creating the planets.  


From the ashes of Spooky's burned thingies and from the  
...uh...frozen stuff of Senior Satan's frozen thingies came that most vile and evil thing to ever walk the not earth, Mr. Bear Bear who got burned by cigarettes.  


Mr. Bear Bear quickly overcame Senior Satan and Spooky and locked them bot in the freezer.  


Mr. Bear Bear, being as he was evil and vile decided he wanted little slaves to go along his   
general rule over the universe, he wanted to be a Mini-Caesar.  


Mr. Bear Bear took taco meat goo stuff and formed it into a hideous mutated form (a.k.a. the human body) and stuck it in the oven, then the freezer, then the microwave, then the oven again, then let it cool.  


And from such horrible conditions was born a divine creature, Nny, who is thought to be cruel.  


Nny, seeing the injustice of what happened to Spooky and Senior Satan proceeded to stab,   
repeatedly, Mr. Bear Bear to death with a toothpick.  


Just a smidgen too late Mr. Bear Bear found out it was a mistake to create humans,  
too bad for him for not being terribly quick.  


After disposing of the Mr. Bear Bear's body in a acid bath and removing his teeth,  
Nny let Spooky and Senior Satan out of the freezer in exchange for a popsicle, yum.  


The popsicle was making Nny really hyper so Spooky attached him to the ceiling with duct tape and bubble gum.  


Nny, who was singing "God Save the Queen" in constant rotation   
was really starting to annoy Senior Satan and Spooky.  


The only thing that prevented them from killing him was the dept they owed him for saving their lives,  
thus they decided to create a place for him to frolic on his own and be free.  


The first major decision was where to place such a grievance as Nny an everything he brings.  


Considering that he needed air to support his spleen, which kept him alive,   
they had a choice between only two planet type things.  


Option A was Cabesa, home of the universe's most comfortable couch.  


Option B was Earth, home of various oddities that slouch  


In a sadistic streak he decided to send Nny to Earth just for fun.  


First though, he decided to add a few random creations so Nny could hide from the sun.  


He created light and air and soot and baked potatoes.  


He created fire and water and small parkways and rocks to throw.  


Then he created aardvarks and artichokes.  


He made botulism, bacteria, bread knifes and socks.  


Then he created caterpillars and Caviar (the band not the eggie) and Columbus.  


He created doggies and cats and...uh...us.  


Then with a magical cosmic sling shot he rocketed Nny into the middle of New York.  


All Nny has to keep himself alive was his popsicle stick and a plastic spoork.  


All the vagrants and lepers tried to eat his brain.  


As a counterattack he decided to make them truly appreciate pain.  


He gutted them with his spoork and bleed them to death everything and all.  


He collected their blood to appease the creature in his wall.  


Spooky and Senior Satan were amused with their little meat puppet.  


They decided to let him spawn and infest the Earth and everything of it.  


As such Nny ran around plaguing and setting monsters free.  


The he spawned the heir of the world as it is now, itty-bitty Shmee.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The sheer idiocy of it disturbs me to no end...  
Review if you want  



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